Once My Love. (Finale)

Before i continue. I'm going to make a Grammy Speech..

No..I'm just kidding! I'm really glad that you guys like it. It gives a boast to continue my last entry about Bun Bun. I was actually quite demotivated to continue because i personally think my story with Bun Bun is not that appealing.

Anyway. Here goes...

Due to Bun's hectic life style he decided to let go of something which made him burden less. That something is me. Well of course i didn't want to let go. I tried my best to safe this relationship. And i managed to saved it in the end(applause). But it didn't hang on for long. This time i'm the one who called it quit. I did some thinking when he decided to end it for the second time. I can't foresee any future with a man who gave up on me in such short period of time(maybe i have attitude issues that i don't know.). So decided to end this drama.

I have a gay dad. Not those gay old suga dadddyyy is the young suga daddy. He's only 5 years my senior but he treats me like his son. He would scold me if i did any mistakes. And try to correct me into a better person(i'm blessed!=D).

After i've ended everything with Bun i revealed who Bun is to my gay dad. He was shocked!

Gay Dad: Huh!? _______(Bun's name) is your ex!?

Me: Yeaaa. Why are you so shocked!?

When you guys broke up?

Errr..Yesterday. January 7th.

OMG. OMG! OMG! OMG!

What!? What!?

You know he flirted with me and asked me out last week!?

O.O! Are you sure it's the same person we're talking about!?

Ya larrrr..WHO ELSE!?

Yeaa. I got a shocked of my life. I always thought he's just playful in person didn't know that he would actually go flirt around with other guys. And told me that he was busy but the truth was he was meeting other guys. I got really upset. I felt betrayed. The one and i only guy that i gave my love to for the past 3 weeks betrayed me like that. Without further consideration i sent a hate messages to him telling him i won't be seeing him again and i don't wish to hear from him or receive his text messages. As soon as the message have been delivered my phone was ringing off the hook. It was him. I didn't pick up the call because i don't wanna hear anything from him. Then sms-es from him started flowing in. I didn't reply any of them. But the last message was..

"I just met with an accident! Because i've been thinking why you don't wanna have any connection with me anymore..Ok fine! you win! And thank you! Oh ya. please return my phone."

I didn't talk to him ever since. He gave me a phone while we're together. But he wants it back after everything had come to an end. So no matter how much i don't feel like seeing him i still have to return the phone to him. I met him at Khun cafe(the cafe we bumped into each other after half a year.) and passed the phone back to him. And i never hear from him since then.

When i was doing my last internship in this restaurant called Mojo in Asian Heritage Row in downtown KL.

June 9th. The sky was so Grey and it started to rain. I had my lunch after peak hour(lunch) then i received a call from a friend Ted(not his real name.).

Ted: Hey. I heard rumors saying _______(Bun's name.) had passed away. Is it true?

Me: O.O! WHAT!? Passed away? How on earth would i know?

You're his ex marr..i thought you would know. Try making sure about this okay?

Okaayyy..

I wasn't convinced that the rumors was true. Seriously no one in this earth will ever wish someone around them dead(at least i think so.). Though i'm positive about Bun will pass on early but i never picture this early. Bun have this playful personality and he loves to trick people. He did a prank to his friends before saying he had passed away. That explains why people aren't convinced with the news and thought it was a rumor.

So anyway..

I don't have any close connection with his friends, the only contact i have is his own mobile phone number. I had no choice but to call that number. So once again i'm dialing his number after 5 months.

*dial tone*

Lady: Hello?

Me: Hi..is _______(Bun's name) there?

Oh..he have already passed on..

Ohh..passed on? Hmm..what time is he coming back?(bimbo!!!!)

He have already PASSED ON...

Errr..passed on as in?

Passed away..

Oh..My..When did it happened?

Yesterday. Afternoon. We'll be having a funeral service at our house. The prayers starts at 7pm. I would love you to come.

Okay..i'll be there.

I was stunned. Literally. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to react. All i know was my heart hurts like crazy. As though a knife stabbed continuously. My heart was shattered. And i have no tears. After the phone call i got back to work. I was about to slice some onions. But my hand just static. It's like i don't know how to slice an onion anymore. My mind was blank. My heart was shattered. I know cry could release my sorrows but tears doesn't seems to work with me. I forced myself to cry. It didn't happen. I asked permission from my head chef to leave early. But my mind just couldn't focus on what i should do. My Sous chef saw me in such sorrows he shooed me home. He told Head chef that he will handle my work and asked him to allow me to go off early. I couldn't leave my work place as the rain pours. What a perfect timing for such situation.

From rain turned to drizzle i head home. My heart felt so heavy. It's like a giant rock have landed on top of it. God bro came pick me up at 7pm ish and we arrived at Bun's funeral around 8pm after dinner. It rained the whole night. As though God was sad too.

As i approached his coffin, saw him lying inside. My heart shattered into more pieces. I felt the heart ache but tears just never flows. I was beyond than sad. Sad was an understatement for me at that point. I always feel that i'll see him someday in the future. But i didn't know the next time i see him is was at his funeral. I'm a person who is well known for expressing how i feel. But i couldn't express how i felt. I was lost without feeling. Though my heart have moved on but my brain isn't. It was like a part of my life was missing and can never be found again.

But i wanted to know how exactly happened. I saw Cit's car was there. Then i went looked for him. He was upstairs settling some miscellaneous. I felt weird and awkward at the same time. Technically he was my rival in love but we left the past behind us. And i start questioning what happened. Cit said Bun was over stressed with many things. He was rushing around for his sister's wedding(it's one of the incident that Bun was excited about.) and it was true that the tumor in the stomach that caused all these. With him being excited about his sister's wedding(he love his sister very much.) rushing here and there and getting errands done before the wedding and not able to get enough sleep. At the same time sticking to his beloved cigarettes. All these hectic and unhealthy lifestyle that he had that sped up the "killing" process.

Bun wasn't a completely healthy person to start of with. Though he was tired from work he'll never fail to get himself some beer and cigarettes. He failed to sleep early too. I was right about the tumor in his stomach all along. It brought harm to him. The cancer cell spreaded and formed a tumor in his stomach when he was going through Chemotherapy. 

After what he had gone through 3 years ago, he have changed his perception about life. Since the day he was diagnosed with testicular cancer he knew that life is short for him. So after he got rid of Chemotherapy he decided to live a life that he wanted. Earn as much money as possible. Own as much cars as possible. Practically he wanted to achieve as much as possible before it's too late. He have no time to think about a silly tumor in the stomach of his. He consulted two Oncologists, both can't guarantee that he can live longer if the tumor was remove. 

He have given up on searching for ways to get himself healed. There was no hope for him but there's only wishes. That explains why he doesn't keep track with his medications and blood tests. His parents saw what kind of pain that he had gone through. So they don't wanna force him to do something that he doesn't want. He was getting weaker and weaker day by days. The remaining days before he departed he was so weak. Bun couldn't even climb the stairs like how he used to be. He was not able to climb from ground floor to his crib. He took 3 steps and the next thing he knew was he was on his knees. Knelled on the steps of the stairs. He was relieved that his family members wasn't around to witness how weak he was. Slowly he crawled up the stairs to get back to his crib. 

He didn't want his parents to know how weak he was. What he did was he hid in the room for the entire day. Endless sleeping session. Wanted to get out but couldn't. He was too weak to get up. Till 2 days before he departed, his parents think it's not right for him to lied down there for days. So his parents called up an ambulance and forced him to the hospital. He got slightly better but he was eager to go home. The parents have got no choice. Was their only beloved son they had. Parents granted his wish. As he got home in the morning he wanted to just lie down on his bed to sleep. He wanted to see Cit.

So a course mate of his apparently is a friend to Cit. She called up cit and asked him to get to Bun's house as soon as possible. Cit got lost a little but he managed to got his way to Bun's home. Bun held his last breathe for Cit. Bun's life ended with Cit sitting beside him. 

Despite so many dramas had happened(i didn't elaborate in detailed on what happened) Cit was the one and only person Bun loved. Just as Cit thinks there's no true love in this circle, Bun showed what true love is. Because Cit is the one who gone through tough times with Bun. Gone through the whole process of Chemotherapy. In return, Cit was the last one Bun wanted to see before he departed from this world.

Bun admitted that he loved me, but he didn't deny the fact that his love for Cit is stronger and greater. I'm oblivious about how Cit feel right now(not because he was my love rival.) but my main concern was his parents. His mother to be specific. Imagine you're a mom, pregnant with a child for 9 months. Finally the kid pops out and joined the family for over 20 years. Out of sudden he/she left and never come back. How would you feel? I can feel it from the things that Bun's mum posted on Bun's memorial Facebook page. 4 month have left the building. He left this world for 4 months. Left nothing but sorrows with his family and friends.

Bun was the socialite in the family. He brought so much joy and laughter to the family and it all came to an end. I have the urge of visit his family more often and in hopes of bringing joy to his family. I have an urge to hug his mum. Give some love to her. Make her laugh.

If Bun would taken good care of himself after Chemotherapy he'll still be here..

Bun..i miss you..I never knew how much i miss you till i've lost you literally. I hope to see you in Heaven someday.

You were the only one i once love..

Once My Love chronicles ends here..

Cheffy Ric.

Signing off..

Randoms

My birthday is coming soon! WEEE!!!

Once My Love. (Part Three)

Before i continue i really didn't know that it's going to be interesting. Because i feel i'll bore my readers out. But i'm quite happy that you guys commented on it. And i'm flattered. I might wrap it up in part three..Maybe not.. O.O!

Okay. Back to the story.

Why i said he was different is because he seemed putting more effort on getting me back. He was patient. Very patient. There were times we went out for tea in the middle of the night because he wanted to see me. People already so desperate for me already it's bad for not giving in(Damn sombong.). Some more he came all the way from SD(Sri Damansara) just to see me. There are some incidents happened in the car.

*put his hand on my lap*

Bun: Hand. *give the signal to me to hold his hand*

Me: What hand?

Bun: Hand larrr..

Me: What hand?

Bun: *unwilling* Ohh..nothing..

I actually feel bad for rejecting it for few times. He loves to hold his partner's hand while driving and he even kiss it. After so many failed dates i have in me i began to be very skeptical when it comes to guys. I don't think there's any guy could see the beauty in me. They're blind if they find me attractive. Bun always admitted that he's the blind one and told me that he's willing to take care of me. I was being very indecisive at that time. As much as i wanted a relationship i still doubt what i have in my hands which was him. I don't doubt when it comes to relationship but he was the one i doubt. I have the fears of having another 3 weeks relationship. The inner man ego in me didn't let me to accept Bun back because he was my ex. 

But he successfully made me fell for him again and made me let go of my ego. But i did felt i have made the wrong choice because once i got attached with him there were a bunch of hotties came after me but was disappointed when i told them i'm attached(this is always the case kan?). I was skeptical in this relationship. What have happened before won't stop him from giving me another 3 weeks relationship. But he was determined that we can actually last forever till he starts talking about future. But reality was we were on our day 3.

Be ah..You'll be going to France to further your studies right? (I'll go France if i continue my degree with Taylor's University.)

Errr..Don't know..I might go Australia instead..cheaper..Why ah?

Oh..No la..because i'll be going U.K to finish my course marr..Some more U.K and France is just a train ride away..If you go Australia then time frame will be different..

France expensive larrrr..

I know..Nevermind larrr..i can go visit you during my holidays..

Errr..okaayyy..*bring really uncertain*

Why? You think we won't last?

Yes. At that point i really feel that our relationship won't last. We are only on our 3rd day and he starts talking about future as though we've been together for years. That's one thing that i don't like in a guy. I know is romantic to talk about the future and stuff but it also shows that he don't give much thought about it before saying it out. As much as i wish to believe a queer relationship can last but what i see around me is guys turned superficial. What's there to hope a queer relationship could last? I'm a killer to his romanticism.

It was nice to have him but it annoyed me sometimes. When i was out with my friends he wouldn't leave me alone. He don't understand the line "i'll talk to you later" when he was with me. I got so annoyed with his text messages. And he asked to see me every night. *eyes rolled" I'm a Sagittarius. Sagittarius guys are like cats. Cats only come to you when they want or they feel like it. They don't like to be bothered 24/7. We want and love freedom(but it doesn't apply to every situations or every Sagi larr..). 

After Christmas we went on a trip to Penang. He picked me up at 7am. And we reached Penang around 11am-ishh(we were racing with some local car with our Vios.). As we arrived we checked in at Tune Hotel(if you're on budget but in need of luxury, Tune hotels are the BOMB!) in Burmah road, Georgetown and had lunch after. Chilled in the room after lunch and he had to settle some work. He was in his business trip but work lasted for a few hours. We went around for food and all. And i practically stuff my tummy on the full blast! On the second night, I wanted to visit Batu Ferringhi to get some Dvds(it's only 4 effing bucks per Dvd!) and take a stroll on the beach.

Darling ah..can we go take a stroll on the beach?

Yerr..Dowan..so dirttyyy...

Where got dirtyy?? Sand only marr..go larrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..

Dowan. Dangerous!

Where got? Damn nice lerr..yerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..don't like that larrr...go larrrrrrrrrrrrrr..

Dowan..

I pestered him but he was firm in his decision. We didn't go beach in the end. Got the dvds and left. I merajuked the whole night. Make him feel bad but failed. But i realized he was weaker than before. He got tired very easily. Even a soft accident hit on him he felt the pain as though it was a hard hit. Sometimes when he talked he'll somehow paused a moment with his face all curled up. He was in pain. I knew that he was in pain. But when i asked he insisted he was okay. There's nothing wrong. I was worried. There was a tumor in his stomach that he insisted not to go for a check. 

Once i found out that he didn't keep track with his Chinese medication and smokes a little too much. We almost got ourselves in a huge argument. I realized that he hates being forced, so i'd stopped. The day we departed from Penang i suffered from gastric discomfort. He drove around with me in the car to get medication. I got better during the day but it came back in the midnight after hanging out with him and his friends. He drove around like a mad cow with me in the car to get medication. I didn't know how much he loved me until i experienced it myself. 

Darling..i'm sorry to trouble you..

Silly..you are my baby..it's my responsible to take good care of you..

*Heart melted*

I didn't really know what love is until he showed me. I was very pleased. After we came back from Penang, he was so caught up with his work. He didn't call me but he texted. I don't really like the idea of texting because i feel that a call worth more than a thousand of text. I began to feel neglected. I didn't see him for a week. He made me feel that he didn't put any effort to see me. Once again. He decided to end it after being in 3 weeks of relationship.

To be continue..

I promise i'll wrap it up at Part Four..

Is getting boring i know..

Randoms.

The inner beast is urging to be out! ARGHHH!!!!

Once My Love. (Part Two)

After we broke up i never see him ever since. He blocked me away from Facebook, didn't call nor text me and he even blocked me on MSN as well. 

It took me a while to recover though it was merely a month relationship. Some of my friends said it's not a relationship. I'm just his fling. But i rather believe it was a relationship. At least i felt the love. I only started seeing other guys after 3 months but still in the recovery period. And occasionally some casual sex in between. I went on so many dates but nothing seems to work out.

One fine noon, i was lying on my bed browsing through my contact then i came across his number without thinking i clicked "call". The line got through but my heart was racing. A part of me thought he would ignore the call but who knows?

Him: hello?

Me: *shocked* HI~! How are you?

I'm good. Thank you. And you?

I'm alright. Wait. Do you still remember who am i?

Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. You are Kelvin's friend riteee??

-.-".NO! I'm _____(my name.)

____ Who!?

Errrr.._____ *surname*?

Oh! *silences*

*awkward* Surprised?

Shocked..

Oh. Anyway i gotta go BYE!

Bye..

I couldn't tolerate with the awkwardness occurred in the conversation so i decided to hung up. But minutes later phone beeped. It was a text message from him. He said he was shocked but glad that i called. He never expect that we are able to talk after what had happened. And he asked me out several times but i decline(awkwardness won the game.)

Till one fine Friday, my god bro asked me out for a drink. And we headed to this Plu cafe Khun in Miharja, Cheras. As we arrived, i got another shock of my life. My ex's car was there(Bun like to hang around in this cafe too.). I yelled it out to my god bro. 

Me: "OMG! He's here!"

God Bro:"WHO!?"

"My EX!!!!!"

"AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

No matter how much i hate to see him but i still wanna know how well is he doing since we haven't seen each other for almost half a year. Parked my car nicely at the parking lot and i felt as though my legs weighted a ton. My foot steps were so heavy and i don't looked at my best. I was hiding behind my god bro's back for the entire time since he's about my size but taller. Went up to the cafe(it was on the 1st floor.) grabbed the corner seat. Waiter came took our orders then we started to talk about some random stuff. Then Bun came out made some calls. He saw me sat at that corner. He looked surprised. Very surprised. He waved at me. I have nothing on my head except "OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!!!"

He left that cafe around an hour later while god bro and me were still there. Phone beeped again. It was Bun. Asked about how was my life and yadda yadda yadda.

After drink session. god bro drove me home. Then he told me this..

You better be careful oh..

What what?

Seems like he's aftering you again~~~.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaa mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh????

You don't believe ah? You see for yourself lorrr..

I doubt so. Why you think so?

If he have no feelings towards you he should have approach you in the cafe and talk. Need sms so secretive?

You think too much. Maybe he's just nice try not to disturb our conversation.

The words that my god bro said kept me thinking. My mind was filled with thoughts once again. I got home and went straight to bed. When i woke up the next day, i received 2 sms-es. It was from Bun. My heart whispered "OHHHH MAHHHH GAWWDDD..god bro's word can't be true." I refused to believe the what god bro have said. But he was right all along. Bun did came after me again.

"If i were to date you again..Will you accept me?"

dumdumDUMMMMMM..

October was coming to an end and i was doing my internship as well(i don't get it..he came to me during my previous internship as well..bahhhh..). He offered to pick me up from work several times(i usually take my own transport home or parents came fetch me after work.) but i came up with weird excuses just to brush him off. But i felt guilty for saying no all the time. In the end i said yes...

But he wasn't the same Bun i used to know..

To be continue..

Part 3 coming up(boring eh?)

Try to guess what's so different about him..

Randoms

I have a pair of cute parents. I like the way they argued but hug each other after an argument. I like the way they love. When is my turn to have that kind of love?

Once My Love. (Part One)

I never really get a chance to share about the love i used to have. So Dinoric is going to talk about his late ex.

I have been through two relationships. But it was with the same guy.

 

I'm that kind of person who doesn't like having the same thing as others. So I addressed him as Bun bun instead of Darling because his face looks like a bun and he have pretty bunny teeth. And he addressed me as Spikey because of my constant spiky hair i have. Ended up he calls me Baby and i called him Darling(such of waste of time thinking of significant names..pfffttt..)

I met Bun bun via Axcest(a gay dating site in case y'all are bimbos.) on March the 7th 2009 at 12.45am. His pictures weren't that appealing to me but i added him on MSN anyway. Without hesitance he started a conversation with me. As usual like others we did a little introduction about ourselves. He was an optometry student and came from quite wealthy background(very wealthy to be exact.). He was 22 turning 23. He's from Cheras but he lives in Sri Damansara(SD) alone with housemates. As out conversation continues i came to realized he's a good catch but still wasn't please with his looks in pictures. So we exchanged our mobile phone numbers and i went to bed after that.

The next day he called and asked for a meet before i head to work(i was doing my internship.). So i agreed. He came all the way from SD to my place. It's about 20-30 mins drive from SD. I was pretty pleased that he found my place without getting lost(majority of the bimbos out there never heard of my place ever. Exhibit A:Dancerboy =D). When i took the first glance of Bun bun, the very first thought penetrated through my mind was "oh my! What a fine young man.." "Wait! cigarette smoking isn't my liking.." He smokes like a train by the way. He wasn't really my type though i like his lower long limbs of his.

He drove me all the way to my work place and bought me lunch. As the conversations went on he's not my cup tea. But little do i know i have already fell for his love traps. 

Fair guys are my thing. But Bun bun was tanned.

I don't fancy guys that smokes. He smokes like a choo choo train.

I like guys who are down to earth and mature. He's not down to earth yet mature.

We have many things in common like cars, phones, computers etc etc. The topic never stops even after our very first met. After he left we text through the day till night(i wasn't paying any attention at work but full blast of attention on text messaging.) it's like cum fireworks kept shooting non stop. I couldn't stop my heart for falling in love since i wanted love so so badly.

Later that night at home he threw a huge question at me on MSN.

" Do you like me?"

I thought it was a huge question as we just got to know each other. I told him that i need a little more time as the feeling is still fresh. But it isn't the case as he have already treated me as his other half. Practically he filled every insufficient-ness in my life. Love, care and sex company. All i ever wanted is all on him. What else more can i ask for? Right? And he proposed to me to be his boyfriend on March the 9th 1.35am and i said yes.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~~! Newly form couple!

We never get enough of each other. We text each other every minute telling each other what we're doing what's on our mind. What we like and what we don't. We're like so inseparable. Seeing each other every day and night. He's like butter to me(i never get bored of butter at all!). But slowly he told me stuff little by little. He was a testicular cancer patient who was in recovery after Chemotherapy. It struck me so hard knowing that he's once a cancer patient. Imagined those pains that he had gone through.

I was having split shift(means you have few hours of breaks in between before resume your work.) that day. He came picked up at my work place and we swirled our way to his parent's mansion in Cheras. We rushed to his room as we arrived. Slowly he striped me off from my clothes and i did the same thing him. We didn't have sex we just cuddle. I felt the warm embrace from his arms and my face was landed on his chest without noticed i glimpsed into thoughts about the fact that he was a cancer patient. Tears just rolled down my cheek and approached his chest. He felt the wet-ness(it was tears not pre-cum mind you.) without taking another second he questioned me.

"Be..why are you crying?"

*silent*

"Be~..why are you crying? are you in pain? what happened? faster tell dar.."

*silent*

"Be~~~..faster tell dar. don't scare me please. I'm worry sick about you.."

At that point i saw his love and sincere towards me. I sobbed badly and i told him the thoughts that caused the over flowing of emotions.

Softly he said..

"Haiya..you silly. I'm still here and i'm healthy and i'm not going to die and leave you alone."

"I have to live longer to torture you. Make you cook, wash and clean for me."

"Bring you go U.K with me. You silly. Don't think of such nonsense. You silly baby.."

"Love you silly baby.."

He hugged me so tight that i could hardly breath. He was that someone that replied my love towards him. Everything was so real. It was like a dream come true.

Out of the blue Cit(Bun's ex) appeared. I knew Cit 2 months before i get to know Bun bun. But Cit when missing after first chat on MSN but appeared right after i got intimate with Bun bun. Cit posted something on his MSN nickname that made me so curious about it. Bun bun's name was in it. And i started to questioned bun bun. Bun bun admitted that Cit was his ex and they are living under one roof but separate rooms and nothing else happened except for what Cit have mentioned on his MSN nickname(some dirty things that they did but not sex.). My trust for Bun bun never change after what have happened because i believe that if you love someone you must trust him no matter what happens.

But things started to get a little hair wired. Cit is a jealous freak that couldn't break free from jealousy. Cit will start slamming the door and do some uber crazy things when he knew that Bun was talking nor texting me over the phone. They got into so many arguments because of my existences. Bun was so affected to all those little things that Cit did. The conversation that Bun and me used to have had turned in to rants about Cit. Bun just couldn't help but to talk about Cit all the time. It was so sickening and tiring to hear about the same old person dejavu. 

The love that Bun had for Cit hasn't come to a full stop. Bun never really move on. If he did he wouldn't be so effected about those little things that Cit did. But when i confronted Bun about it he denied(Bun is not good at admitting his own faults.). Soon things had turned sour. He was facing financial difficulties and at the same time his grandmother just passed on. He was so overwhelmed with what's going on with his life he decided to put an end to our relationship.

It lasted for 3 weeks.

I cried my lungs out as i couldn't save this relationship. I got so emotional and started to hide from crowd and started to cry at a corner(damn drama kan?). My heart was shattered. 

And i never see him ever since..

To be Continue...

Randoms

I almost shed tears while typing this boring post..