After reading what Dinolex have wrote on his domain i realized that i had the same struggles all along(i knew it long time ago.)I used to be very enthusiast about going to college and always early for class. But things had changed after a slipped of my mouth. I used to think being in college is so cool because everyone seems to be so open minded. So without consideration i spilled the truth about me being not straight to this course mate of mine. He promised that he'll keep it a secret but blew it off in the end. Me being not queer is no breaking news for them. They just kept gossiping about me behind my back even insulted me publicly in class.
Since that day, my drive for being a good student had lost it's way. I no longer want to be noticed due to the fact that i'm obvious to them. Imagine living in a life that everyone talk trash about you from time to time. How would it feels? I no Lady Gaga who's dare to be different and ignore what the public has to say. As much as i love attention but certainly not attentions like this. I have let all these little army of skanks got on my way.
I've lost my direction. My motivation has taken a detour and never want to come back. I envy Dinolex for being so passionate about practical classes from time to time. I don't spend as much time as Dinolex of thinking how to cook for the next class. I don't put much effort on how the food looks like before it was served to the guest. I've disappointed myself and my parents. If my parents knew what was in my mind, they would live in sorrows.
I've often told my mum that i struggled so much just to get along with my course mates. But she didn't know what was the main reason that i couldn't fit in. I'm good at making new friends but it doesn't apply in Uni. I used to cry so much for not having the motivation to do well. It like i'm wasting my parent's fortune. 4 weeks to the grand finale of my diploma and i'm still drifting around the starting point. I wonder how am i supposed to graduate my diploma. Or..i might just flung this instead.
No point wishing for a rewind button when i know that it doesn't exists.
SIGH..
Those are called Sugar balloons.
How wish i could just tell my mum the truth. I feel guilty for hiding it from her..I love you mum..
Cheffy Ric
Ends Here.
3 comments:
Number one is to ignore those coursemates. They will ALWAYS talk trash about someone. If not you, they'll find another victim.
*Psst psst! Id like to be addressed by my own name xD*
Anyways, as I know those ppl who talks trash about you, they themselves are already leading a bad life in terms of academic. So why put yourself almost like in their situation? Study well, get average result (at least better than theirs) and then you can look down on them even if they talk crap about you ;)
That's what I usually do la.
"Di mana ada kemahuan, di situ ada jalan, ada pintu, ada tingkap, ada lubang buka untukmu"
(ahahhaa so mouliu to create my own peribahasa :P)
just hang in there, concentrate for the 4 weeks, pass and get the diploma, then you may start a fresh. Remember not to repeat your mistake again =)
coming out to parents is always the hardest. My guess is when it comes, it will. No worries =)
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