Once My Love. (Finale)

Before i continue. I'm going to make a Grammy Speech..

No..I'm just kidding! I'm really glad that you guys like it. It gives a boast to continue my last entry about Bun Bun. I was actually quite demotivated to continue because i personally think my story with Bun Bun is not that appealing.

Anyway. Here goes...

Due to Bun's hectic life style he decided to let go of something which made him burden less. That something is me. Well of course i didn't want to let go. I tried my best to safe this relationship. And i managed to saved it in the end(applause). But it didn't hang on for long. This time i'm the one who called it quit. I did some thinking when he decided to end it for the second time. I can't foresee any future with a man who gave up on me in such short period of time(maybe i have attitude issues that i don't know.). So decided to end this drama.

I have a gay dad. Not those gay old suga dadddyyy is the young suga daddy. He's only 5 years my senior but he treats me like his son. He would scold me if i did any mistakes. And try to correct me into a better person(i'm blessed!=D).

After i've ended everything with Bun i revealed who Bun is to my gay dad. He was shocked!

Gay Dad: Huh!? _______(Bun's name) is your ex!?

Me: Yeaaa. Why are you so shocked!?

When you guys broke up?

Errr..Yesterday. January 7th.

OMG. OMG! OMG! OMG!

What!? What!?

You know he flirted with me and asked me out last week!?

O.O! Are you sure it's the same person we're talking about!?

Ya larrrr..WHO ELSE!?

Yeaa. I got a shocked of my life. I always thought he's just playful in person didn't know that he would actually go flirt around with other guys. And told me that he was busy but the truth was he was meeting other guys. I got really upset. I felt betrayed. The one and i only guy that i gave my love to for the past 3 weeks betrayed me like that. Without further consideration i sent a hate messages to him telling him i won't be seeing him again and i don't wish to hear from him or receive his text messages. As soon as the message have been delivered my phone was ringing off the hook. It was him. I didn't pick up the call because i don't wanna hear anything from him. Then sms-es from him started flowing in. I didn't reply any of them. But the last message was..

"I just met with an accident! Because i've been thinking why you don't wanna have any connection with me anymore..Ok fine! you win! And thank you! Oh ya. please return my phone."

I didn't talk to him ever since. He gave me a phone while we're together. But he wants it back after everything had come to an end. So no matter how much i don't feel like seeing him i still have to return the phone to him. I met him at Khun cafe(the cafe we bumped into each other after half a year.) and passed the phone back to him. And i never hear from him since then.

When i was doing my last internship in this restaurant called Mojo in Asian Heritage Row in downtown KL.

June 9th. The sky was so Grey and it started to rain. I had my lunch after peak hour(lunch) then i received a call from a friend Ted(not his real name.).

Ted: Hey. I heard rumors saying _______(Bun's name.) had passed away. Is it true?

Me: O.O! WHAT!? Passed away? How on earth would i know?

You're his ex marr..i thought you would know. Try making sure about this okay?

Okaayyy..

I wasn't convinced that the rumors was true. Seriously no one in this earth will ever wish someone around them dead(at least i think so.). Though i'm positive about Bun will pass on early but i never picture this early. Bun have this playful personality and he loves to trick people. He did a prank to his friends before saying he had passed away. That explains why people aren't convinced with the news and thought it was a rumor.

So anyway..

I don't have any close connection with his friends, the only contact i have is his own mobile phone number. I had no choice but to call that number. So once again i'm dialing his number after 5 months.

*dial tone*

Lady: Hello?

Me: Hi..is _______(Bun's name) there?

Oh..he have already passed on..

Ohh..passed on? Hmm..what time is he coming back?(bimbo!!!!)

He have already PASSED ON...

Errr..passed on as in?

Passed away..

Oh..My..When did it happened?

Yesterday. Afternoon. We'll be having a funeral service at our house. The prayers starts at 7pm. I would love you to come.

Okay..i'll be there.

I was stunned. Literally. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to react. All i know was my heart hurts like crazy. As though a knife stabbed continuously. My heart was shattered. And i have no tears. After the phone call i got back to work. I was about to slice some onions. But my hand just static. It's like i don't know how to slice an onion anymore. My mind was blank. My heart was shattered. I know cry could release my sorrows but tears doesn't seems to work with me. I forced myself to cry. It didn't happen. I asked permission from my head chef to leave early. But my mind just couldn't focus on what i should do. My Sous chef saw me in such sorrows he shooed me home. He told Head chef that he will handle my work and asked him to allow me to go off early. I couldn't leave my work place as the rain pours. What a perfect timing for such situation.

From rain turned to drizzle i head home. My heart felt so heavy. It's like a giant rock have landed on top of it. God bro came pick me up at 7pm ish and we arrived at Bun's funeral around 8pm after dinner. It rained the whole night. As though God was sad too.

As i approached his coffin, saw him lying inside. My heart shattered into more pieces. I felt the heart ache but tears just never flows. I was beyond than sad. Sad was an understatement for me at that point. I always feel that i'll see him someday in the future. But i didn't know the next time i see him is was at his funeral. I'm a person who is well known for expressing how i feel. But i couldn't express how i felt. I was lost without feeling. Though my heart have moved on but my brain isn't. It was like a part of my life was missing and can never be found again.

But i wanted to know how exactly happened. I saw Cit's car was there. Then i went looked for him. He was upstairs settling some miscellaneous. I felt weird and awkward at the same time. Technically he was my rival in love but we left the past behind us. And i start questioning what happened. Cit said Bun was over stressed with many things. He was rushing around for his sister's wedding(it's one of the incident that Bun was excited about.) and it was true that the tumor in the stomach that caused all these. With him being excited about his sister's wedding(he love his sister very much.) rushing here and there and getting errands done before the wedding and not able to get enough sleep. At the same time sticking to his beloved cigarettes. All these hectic and unhealthy lifestyle that he had that sped up the "killing" process.

Bun wasn't a completely healthy person to start of with. Though he was tired from work he'll never fail to get himself some beer and cigarettes. He failed to sleep early too. I was right about the tumor in his stomach all along. It brought harm to him. The cancer cell spreaded and formed a tumor in his stomach when he was going through Chemotherapy. 

After what he had gone through 3 years ago, he have changed his perception about life. Since the day he was diagnosed with testicular cancer he knew that life is short for him. So after he got rid of Chemotherapy he decided to live a life that he wanted. Earn as much money as possible. Own as much cars as possible. Practically he wanted to achieve as much as possible before it's too late. He have no time to think about a silly tumor in the stomach of his. He consulted two Oncologists, both can't guarantee that he can live longer if the tumor was remove. 

He have given up on searching for ways to get himself healed. There was no hope for him but there's only wishes. That explains why he doesn't keep track with his medications and blood tests. His parents saw what kind of pain that he had gone through. So they don't wanna force him to do something that he doesn't want. He was getting weaker and weaker day by days. The remaining days before he departed he was so weak. Bun couldn't even climb the stairs like how he used to be. He was not able to climb from ground floor to his crib. He took 3 steps and the next thing he knew was he was on his knees. Knelled on the steps of the stairs. He was relieved that his family members wasn't around to witness how weak he was. Slowly he crawled up the stairs to get back to his crib. 

He didn't want his parents to know how weak he was. What he did was he hid in the room for the entire day. Endless sleeping session. Wanted to get out but couldn't. He was too weak to get up. Till 2 days before he departed, his parents think it's not right for him to lied down there for days. So his parents called up an ambulance and forced him to the hospital. He got slightly better but he was eager to go home. The parents have got no choice. Was their only beloved son they had. Parents granted his wish. As he got home in the morning he wanted to just lie down on his bed to sleep. He wanted to see Cit.

So a course mate of his apparently is a friend to Cit. She called up cit and asked him to get to Bun's house as soon as possible. Cit got lost a little but he managed to got his way to Bun's home. Bun held his last breathe for Cit. Bun's life ended with Cit sitting beside him. 

Despite so many dramas had happened(i didn't elaborate in detailed on what happened) Cit was the one and only person Bun loved. Just as Cit thinks there's no true love in this circle, Bun showed what true love is. Because Cit is the one who gone through tough times with Bun. Gone through the whole process of Chemotherapy. In return, Cit was the last one Bun wanted to see before he departed from this world.

Bun admitted that he loved me, but he didn't deny the fact that his love for Cit is stronger and greater. I'm oblivious about how Cit feel right now(not because he was my love rival.) but my main concern was his parents. His mother to be specific. Imagine you're a mom, pregnant with a child for 9 months. Finally the kid pops out and joined the family for over 20 years. Out of sudden he/she left and never come back. How would you feel? I can feel it from the things that Bun's mum posted on Bun's memorial Facebook page. 4 month have left the building. He left this world for 4 months. Left nothing but sorrows with his family and friends.

Bun was the socialite in the family. He brought so much joy and laughter to the family and it all came to an end. I have the urge of visit his family more often and in hopes of bringing joy to his family. I have an urge to hug his mum. Give some love to her. Make her laugh.

If Bun would taken good care of himself after Chemotherapy he'll still be here..

Bun..i miss you..I never knew how much i miss you till i've lost you literally. I hope to see you in Heaven someday.

You were the only one i once love..

Once My Love chronicles ends here..

Cheffy Ric.

Signing off..

Randoms

My birthday is coming soon! WEEE!!!