It used to be cool to have a blog or being labeled as "blogger". But i guess the trend is somehow coming to an end due to the fact that most of the blogs that i followed are collecting dust and having spiders as a web pet i think. HAHA!
To be honest I've lost my mojo or you can say my passion to blog already. It seems like the words that i type isn't that magical anymore same goes to my grammar. Not like i have flawless grammar also bahh..
It is interesting to see that how I've grown from the previous years(more like from the very last post as an active blogger.). I always like to believe that i'm way too mature for my age and my peers seems to childish to be up to my standard. But i guess i was wrong because after reading those previous post that i've posted i do sounded like a mature 20 year old but i still see a childish 20 year old instead. Blogging about stuff that everyone would agree, constantly seeking for approval and attention and also blogged about the love that i once had.
I used to hate how guys always tells me that nothing really last forever in the gay circle. I'm being naive for believing that forever does exists in this circle. All i need to do is just put my heart at it and it'll all be fine and he will be by my side till death do us part.
I was wrong. All that i believe in was all wrong. I put my heart and my soul for this very man that i once called my beloved. But it didn't turn out the way i wanted it to be. Everyone has their own perception and opinion towards whatever they believe in. Unfortunately both of us refused to compromise each other any longer. 2 years being together, he is the only one in my mind all the time. There no one i would rather be with and i love him so selflessly agree on things that he prefers to do.
"As long as you're happy i'm happy."
I think everyone should stop believing in that quote. It may work if it's a heterosexual relationship. A gay relationship? I'm not too sure.
I used to believe that quote. But it haunts me over time. The more i try to please him the more selfish he gets.
Try picturing this scenario.
You don't have the privilege to cook for him often due to the fact that none of you owns/rents a place.Your parents is away for the weekend. All you want to do is just cook him a meal but you don't enough to cover the cost for the ingredients. So you asked 30bucks from him to cover the ingredients. But he got upset because he have to fork out the money and he questioned your sincerity for cooking.
Not too sure how you'd feel.
For me..it was a deep slash through my heart.
For him to be happy i gave it all but i got bruises and cuts in return. Didn't regret for what i gave but definitely i'm baring all the consequences. He got together with another dude weeks after he left me. Me? I'm still having trouble falling in love. Or even love like i've never been hurt before.
The funny part is that he asked me not to be picky and give love another chance to fall in love again. Where he's the one who causes you to lose faith in love.
Don't get me wrong. I still pretty much believe in love still. I wanna be loved and love. Maybe just not anyone who comes in my way. Furthermore i'll losing weight and bulking up who knows my next one will be some build man with define chest and countable abs?
Oh well. Whatever the older gay said was right. I should never set 'forever' as my expectation. Let alone growing old together. A day at a time and live it as if it is the last day of your life.
No expectation No disappointment No promises No hearts broken.