Contradiction..

I came from a very religious family. I'm a Christian and i'm proud to be one.

Yeap. Indeed my parents and older brother are very religious(If you're not a believer and you will burn in hell kinda religious). My parents are missionaries who serve the natives(original man orang asli) in Cameron Highlands every 4th of the month. My brother is the Youth president, vice president of the praise and worship team(yess..we sing our lungs out every Sunday) and a marvelous song leader(means he leads crowd to sing before Pastor give nonsense sermon.). Where do i stand? Hmm..i have great vocals too. But i'm just a backup singer. The most pro one okay!? *Bitch stare*

My brother and i are very close(yes..slept in the same bed kinda close). He's the only one in the family that knows i'm gay. He doesn't agree with my sexuality but at the same time he chose not to discriminate me. Deep down in his heart he still hope that he could attend my wedding in the future and have kids on my own. Our relationship has always been good like the way it is from the start. Despite we argued so many times before but we still love each other very much (cheesy much!?). 

One fine night, i was talking to my brother about how friends turned out to be asses when you put too much effort in it at the same time those that you don't hang out with much gives a damn about your life (The other friends who he personally know as well as we all were in the same high school). He threw me these questions..

"What could have happened if they all know about how much God loves them?" 

"They are just fine and well behaved individuals."

"What will happen if all you queer friends turn back to straight?" 

" What will you do?"

It got me thinking a little bit. I believe that no matter how queer we are deep down in our heart we wish that we're not queer. I don't deny the fact that i wish to be straight. One of the girls will be so blessed to have me as their spouse(cehh wahh..self boast eh?). I do admit that i'm not that bad in person. I'm good in cooking and baking. I'm an intellect. I do house chores like any other mums in this world. I sew and i knit. I'm perfect to be a househusband(this probably explains why i'm gay..because i'm so good with girly stuff.). 

Okay..Back to the topic.

Still.. None of us wish that we are gay. Because God created Adam and Eve NOT Adam and Steve. Mind you. Being queer is not easy where does every single one of them in this circle are selfish and cares nothing but themselves. "Us gays we look out for each other" That's not true. Personality get you far in career but it ain't pushing you to get more guys if you're a fugly bitch. I'm not trying to criticized anything but this is the fact in the gay community. It's okay to be choosy when it comes to your future partner. But more preposterous thing is that even friends also have to choose. 

I was browsing through one of the gay dating site once, And i came across this fine young man with hot bod. After reading what he wrote in his profile i'm convinced to drop a mail to him to be friends with him. But he replied me THIS..

"I'm sorry..i'm not interested to be friends with you..you're not my type when it comes to looks..certainly you're way left out in my league.."

I felt rejected. I wasn't looking forward to be his potential partner or whatever thing it is but that was what i got for being a nice person. As a Christian we are being brain washed taught to be patient and to forgive and forget. If a person slaps you at your face turn into the other side for him/her to slap(yess..us Christians are some fools that lets people gets into our nerves but kiss them back in their fore head). 

Being queer is hard. But being a queer and a Christian is harder. Because we are doing all sorts of things that will highly offend God. Have sex before marriage is wrong. Have sex after marriage but with a man is double major wrong. Queer eye for straight man also wrong. Go gay club also wrong(because you're potential to sin in the club e.g. dance like a slut). Masturbation is also wrong. I know what you thinking.. " WHAT!? MASTURBATE only worrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..also wrong mehh??? Not sex also...". Yes.. Us Christians are insane human beings that thinks Masturbation is a sin. Apparently when we're masturbating we'll start visualized somehow somewhat there's a hot stud blowing our vivacious cock. Sucking our sexy pointy nipples. Kissing our luscious lips(at least i know my lips are luscious.). Tongue tangled with each other. etc. etc. etc. Yea..that's lust alright! Lust is a sin. Even a straight guy can sin with his eyes by staring at a hot chick but stripping her off naked in his brain. That's already consider raping a girl in God's eyes.

Yeaa. Being a gay Christian is hard. We should be as holy as a Priest and as innocent as a Nun(yea right..the priest in Queer as Folk got fuck by one of the main actor in the series..pffftt..). Even i have to be careful with what am i saying on Facebook. Because i have so many circles of friends. One is high school mates. Another is college mates. On the other hand is queer friends. And the MOST exciting one is CHURCH FRIENDS! I bet some of them are monitoring my Facebook.

Gosh.. This is hard. As much as i love God..i also love men..

I'm such a sinner. I should make myself a nun and repel myself from sex until my hymen covered my ass(Us queer thinks that if we didn't sex more than 3 months we're automatically became a virgin..)

Random nonsense

Annoying Orange is anooyingly entertaining..

"I'm an Orange you're an APPLE!"

Cheffy Ric

Signing off..