I can't do it without Him.

After reading Jason's recent post. It got me thinking about what bad things my dad had done to me.


Hmm..


How should i start?


Here goes.


I have a dad who loves the family very much. Particularly his ever beloved son. I remembered when i was at the age of 7, my dad would drop by and check how am i doing at school since it was my first time in school(kindergarten is not school mind you.). He stood behind the fence during recess. Checking his beloved youngest one in the family tree(me! =D). 


As i grew a little bigger, i became a very naughty kid. I go play with my friends instead of going back to granny's.  My dad got very worried and furious at the same time. The consequences is bruises everywhere when i got caught red handed by my dad. Both of my parents are typical Chinese parents who thinks children must be beaten in order to be good in the future. My dad was considered the not so civilized ones. He himself barely finish high school and was taught by the society. Whenever i against his almighty will, he will start hitting me with his not cane, but PVC pipes. Yes, PVC pipes. Imagine going to back to school with bruised legs and arms. How humiliating is that? 


My dad is a contractor himself. So naturally my house will have those tools that is needed in the construction site. Just name me any tools i'm sure i have it here. My dad was pretty violent one to start off with. He'll just grab hold of anything to hit me when he's uber furious. There was this incident was tattooed in my head that i could never forget. I was out running around with my friends ones. When i got back to granny's he rushed me to pack my things and head home because he knew that he cannot hit me in front of my granny. 


My granny was my knight in shiny amour when i was younger(grins.). My granny said this once " if you want to hit ah bee(my nickname) you must go through me!"(i was my granny's precious gem y'all!). 


Back to the topic. 


As i got up to dad's car, he started to punch, pinch and slap against my arm, lap and leg. Yelling and screaming at me while he drove the car. What did i do? Cry lorrrrrr..kena hit until like that still don't cry mehh??  As he drove to this cliff near my house, he open my side of the door and wanted to push me off the cliff. How could a father wish his son to be dead? It wasn't his intention to do so but he was angry and worried at the same time. 


What hurts me the most is that he said "so what!?" after i told them i was being sexual harassed at the age of 5 by my baby sitter's son. At that moment i thought i was nothing to my father. Nothing hurt more than what had came out from his mouth. But what can i do? Run away? Commit suicide? Or cut myself like what they did on tv? It was never easy to live a life like mine. I'm saying i'm the worst of the worst but it was enough to mold me as what i am today.


Despite all have happened i thank God that he gave me a forgiving heart. I forgave my dad for what he had done to me. I forgave him for what he have said. I forgave his wrong doings. Thing had happened, let it be a past. For what have happened i still enjoy snuggling my dad whenever i get the chance to do so. Dad may be a very strong sculptured man but his heart is as soft as mum's.


Mum loves hugs and kisses but remember, dad loves it too. I gave a peck on my dad once and it put a smile on that cool face of his. Dad may be a villain when we were younger but don't forget, that villain are the one responsible of who we are today.


Seriously. If wasn't Him(God) i'll still hold on to my anger to my dad till the day u stepped into my grave.


Sorry it wasn't proper written. Mind went blank and wasn't detailed enough.

I think this resembles dad's thinking a lot. He will pretend to hug you until you really hug him one day.


















Cheffy Ric


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